An article on Rolfing, on why women slouch (hint: because you think you suck)

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Summary: A line in Brisco County, JR had me asking...what is Rolfing? Then I looked it up. And now I know. Also, I know why women slouch...

BLOT: (15 Aug 2011 - 02:33:23 PM)

An article on Rolfing, on why women slouch (hint: because you think you suck)

In the Brisco County, Jr episode "Fountain of Youth", one of the pretty-boy bandits says to the other something like, "I can't wait to be Rolfed!" followed by a sexual connotation, again using the word "rolf" as a verb. I assumed that it wasn't just a childish pigdin for sex, or the sexual joke would have been an unjoke, so it had to have another meeting. I also assumed it was some sort of treatment: a massage, an oiling, a head rub, a washing. Something. Turns out I wasn't that far off, but it took me a moment to get there.

I first tried Urban Dictionary, which failed me harder than it ever has before. Not only is the number 1 definition "rolling on laughing floor", a tiny little joke based on a typo of ROFL, but by some miracle there are pages of people who make the exact same joke. Then there is the character from Ed, Edd, and Eddy, and some more vulgar ones. Something about the best damned religion ever created (religion food? loving furries? light fantastics?) and something about dumping your girlfriend for a blonde bimbo (note: blonde hate) and there is this bit: "Mostly related to red heads, and soulmates are most often named Anna." The two most fascinating ones are surreally wonderful and highly suggestive of a large backstory in that way that Urban Dictionary occasionally is and does. The first of these is, "Lack of emotion. Likes to undergo sexual acts in the presence of others under the duvet. A bit of an exhibitionist," and the other, quoted in full:

Rock Golf, a game that is played with a box spiggler which is hurled from the spangly dangler. Upon hurlation of the box spiggler, one proceeds to hit it with either a spiffler or a tobbler. There are not set courses on which to play you can play it anywhere! There are 21 holes that must be played. The turn order is determined by a tournament of rock/paper/scissors. the winner goes first. at the beginning of the game after the R/P/S tourney there is a mandatory cigarette break. Halfway through, either hole 10 or 11, there is also another cigarette break and the order is determined again by a R/P/S tourney. Gameplay continues until all 21 holes are played.

Box spiggler, spangly dangler, spiffler, and tobbler all have further definitions. All of these definitions are provided by "The Rolfer", whose only contributions to the site are those definitions. This makes me wonder if Rock Golf is a passion of his (I could have said "hers", but let's be honest, does someone stricking a box spiggler with a spiffler through use of their spangly dangler with smoke breaks built into the rules sound like know...screw it...a passion of hers). I will assume yes, because it makes the world feel a little more wonderful...

Why I went to UD before going to see if Wikipedia had an article on Rolfing, I have no idea. They do, and I'll let you go and look up what it is (or you can cheat by reading the footnote* below). What I did before turning to Wikipedia, though, is I turned to Google, which gave me this article: "I got Rolfed!". April 2001 at, which seems to be a Reno based outfit. Written by Carli Cutchin. It also will discuss what Rolfing is, and you can guess my response to the whole shebang. What was most delightful, though, about this last article (technically the middle found of the three I consulted) was this one quote, explaining why [particularly] women slouch. Think about this phenomenon. People slouching? Why do you think it occurs? Well, as said by a professional Rolfer:

He explained that the body reflects our psychological and emotional problems. For instance, many individuals, particularly females, begin slouching in their early teens as a way of "apologizing for who they are." Many people, MacDonald said, never stop slouching; they never get free from this self-apology, physically or mentally.

Most of the rest is Cutchin explaining the basics behind Rolfing, basics involving concepts like "realignment" and "connective tissue" and "lengthening" and "re-education" and "restrictions". She also claims that the process worked for her, despite her only doing half of one tenth the total treatment. I might be so skeptical as to say that if someone tells you that you slouch due to a mental disorder, maybe you just happen to notice and correct your slouching more, but who knows? Maybe the connective tissues in my brain need to be Rolfed to realign them to a better possibility...

* Assuming my last paragraph didn't give it away, the general idea is to have connective tissues and such relaxed and retrained to fit into more proper formations. Think something like chiropractery (?) for the connective tissues. One of the quotes in the Wiki article says that it's like having someone do Yoga to you (or something similar).



Written by Doug Bolden

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