Spam, by which I mean the crappy e-mails not the crappy meat substitute, has had a long and varied career out of trying to trick people into opening the e-mails based on subject lines. "You have already won millions of dollars!" got old and so it resorted to insulting penis sizes, breast sizes, offering free drugs, and trying to trick you into thinking you e-mailed them with things like "Re: I had fun last night". The most insidious, because they are based most accurately on human behavior regarding e-mail subject lines, is the non-committal "hi", "HEY!", and "Hey, man, how's it going?".
Up until this morning, my favorite were the ones that a) used passages from books to generate nonsensical sentences that sounded, to a computer, like they might make sense and b) those that used news headlines. Those under the category B were my heavy favorites for a bit. Now, though, I have a new one:
If you do not open this, you are gay!
What the hell is that? Is someone spamming a 14 year old male? I can just picture it, some dude comes in from a heavy day of high school and hanging out at the convenience store parking lot, making bad jokes about breasts and what he would like to do with them, and then gets that e-mail and just HAS to open it because, damn it, he's not gay no matter what Linda says because she asked him out and she was ugly and he said no and she startd rumors.
It would be even better if it read "Open this e-mail or I will tell your friends that you are gay!". That would have gotten him.
Si Vales, Valeo
Written by Doug Bolden
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