I think the rainy weather finally caught up with me...

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Summary: After a bit of a down mood tonight, I am going to bed early. Just wanted to recap the mood and some of its history to me personally.

Monday, 21 September 2009

(23:33:12 CDT)

I think the rainy weather finally caught up with me...

Tonight, finally, I think the rainy weather finally caught up with me. I know a few people who whine about any rainy day, and most of my friends complain after the third or fourth rainy day in a row. For me, it's not quite like that. I actually like rainy, drizzly weather overall. Because sun exposure can make me sick and because, I don't know, I am soothed by watching rain and water flowing; it fits my overall mental and physical characteristics. Even I, though, can get tired of it. I remember in 2003 or so, February and March were both pretty much constantly cloudy. It was some time in April or May before we started getting a series of dry, sunny days. I remember feeling it then. Of course, then the drought years came and we haven't really had consistent rain until this year. I guess it is fitting this is the first time I would feel it in a while.

I do not know what the quasi-SAD crud people get is called, where it's not a full blown feeling but just a generally down moment due to the rain and the cold. I know people get full blow SAD in the winter where they absolutely freak out due to a lack of color and heat. I do not get that, but then again, I am in Alabama so maybe I would if I lived elsewhere. But, around here, we just get this quasi-SAD where it stays gloomy for a few weeks and every one gets kind of withdrawn and miserable. I get that. Sometimes. With me, it is a little different than what other people seem to desribe.

One of the big differences is the feeling. It brings up a certain deja vu. Back when I lived at home, our house went through a couple of changes and upgrades, but every since it was expanded it had two rough sections. The first section, the old house, had four rooms (three bedrooms and a bath). The new section, the expansion, had two rooms: a kitchen and a living room. The heater was in the living room. The kitchen had a stove. The backrooms had nothing. There was no central air or heating or anything. What's more, the old portion of the house had holes in the floor and cracks in the windows and walls, and so were roughly the temperature and humidity of whatever it was outside, hot or cold. During the winter, my parents would bundle up in the living room and kitchen and get it kind of warm and pleasant. Except they were heavy smokers and my dad was pretty tyrannical when it came to the remote. This gave me two options: sit in the cigarette smoke and watch whatever my dad did or go to my room in the cold. I spent a lot of time in the cold, wearing a jacket and under blankets, watching a small black and white TV or reading a book with my hands tucked and warm as best I could. Since my family was bundled up in the other room, this time was pretty solitary for me, which I did not mind, and very low tech. I didn't have a computer at home. I didn't have much of a TV. About this time, I had an old tape cassette player that partially worked. I had books and I had homework.

That sense of isolation, being cold, and somewhat exposed to the elements; that's the feeling I get whenever this quasi-SAD shows up. Like tonight, we got done playing the Shadowrun game and then almost immediately, a since of being caught up in a drizzly, grey mindset hit me. Literally like my mind was reflecting whatever was outside. I've learned from experience that the two best cures for it are multi-media (in this case, I watched an expisode of Flying Circus) and getting warm. Also, warm comfort food helps. And tea doesn't hurt. I got all those things in me and now I feel better. Tomorrow is an unknown, though. Once the feeling sets in, it might take a bit to shake it.

I just find it weird how strong the feeling of being back in my room at home hits me with it. That sense of, I don't know what you call the emotion, "December". If I closed my eyes while under the "attack" earlier, I could almost imagine sitting on my old dusty bed. Red clay in the distance. Pine trees creaking.

Si Vales, Valeo


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Written by Doug Bolden

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