Six quick signs you have over-steeped your tea

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Summary: Have you over-steeped your tea? Take this quick quiz to find out. Any "yes" to any question means you have.

Thursday, 19 November 2009

(11:58:23 CST)

Six quick signs you have over-steeped your tea

You are making a cup of tea and something has gone wrong. It has been just a few minutes too long. Maybe you thought "I'll check my e-mail and then pour a cup," or maybe you thought "Just a few minutes of WoW and I'll be right back." Did you decide to take a shower and get lost in the moment? Maybe the missus came home with a particular urge to, um, watch TV with you. You have to ask yourself, when you remember the pot of tea in the other room, and with just a little bit of fear in your thought-voice, is the tea over-steeped? Should you back away from the pot with holy terror? Are you about to chug your way through an antioxidant rush on par with dropping four tabs of X at your local rave?

Now, over-steeping is different things for different folks, with a particularly loathsome faux tea drinker trend to claim anything over two minutes is too long. For them, I suggest water. For the rest of us, here are some easy to recall questions that you can check-off. "Yes" to any of these means proceed with caution.

1. Do you shudder upon smelling the pot of tea? A light shudder might be ok. A heavy shudder followed by an involuntary sag of the shoulders probably means you are in trouble. A sense of foreboding upon entering the same room as the tea-pot is a particularly bad sign.

2. Do the words "Oh, that's from last night..." have anything to do with the situation? I recommend a fresh batch, if this is the case. You may have to lose that tea pot, or the residual caffeine content in it might cause your eyes to pop out.

3. Do you feel the urge to drink the tea in a rapid hurry, much like you would a cheap tequila? Do you feel the need for a chaser? Do you feel, possibly, the need to drink cheap tequila first, to help kill the taste buds?

4. Do you cough upon taking a light test sip? Other sounds to watch for: clicking of the tongue, a sharp intake of breath, the sound that crickets make coming from the back of your throat, cursing, or the words "Mary, Mother, full of grace...".

5. Do your pets run and hide about the time you go to pour a cup from the pot? They sense things, you know.

Finally, 6. As you approach the tea-pot, do you find yourself involuntarily grabbing enough sugar to make about five pounds of fudge? In this case, I say go for it. The thick, Cadbury creme-egg like syrup will thrill and delight you for several minutes, until you heart starts going and you lose consciousness. It will be a most heady trip.

Maybe that will make your decision on whether to drink the tea easier. My advice? Screw it. You'll be dead in a century, anyhow, might as well find yourself short of breath with your teeth chattering, now. I hear it's good for you. Shores up the cancer defenses and all that.

Drink well.

Si Vales, Valeo


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Written by Doug Bolden

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