A faux trailer about making smart decisions in horror movies, plus a bit about dramatic irony in horror

BLOT: (16 Oct 2013 - 08:47:15 AM)

A faux trailer about making smart decisions in horror movies, plus a bit about dramatic irony in horror

Here is the faux-trailer for Hell No, a non-existent horror movie in which people make only smart decisions:

My favorite part is the bit about the Ringu-esque haunted video-tape. The "I'll wait for back-up" is also a good line.

There are a couple of issues. Like nearly all fake trailers, it ignores the fact that real trailers are only about two to two-and-a-half minutes long. And a couple of the "smart" decisions, including a kid masturbating (?) on the Lament Configuration stand-in or the dude freaking out and dropping his camera when the Cloverfield-esque atttacks, aren't so much smart as "Not what happened in the movies". Though arguably someone probably did jack-off on Lemarchand's Box. I mean, that's half the point, right?

Perhaps the biggest issue with any such humor is simply that dramatic irony in horror movies often looks like stupidity, or at least a degree of incompetence, but in the real world abandoned old houses exist aplenty that don't have demonic axe-wielding alien robot ghosts. Caught in a doom storm and need shelter? It'll probably be ok to hide out in one, at least under the eaves of the porch. Just, you know, don't read from the book. Or, better yet, *do* dare a friend to read from the book and record it on your phone.

The idea that people should instinctively fear the stranger, or automatically disobey orders, or assume that the trees are plotting ot kill them: all of this makes sense if you know you are a character in a horror movie, but not necessarily if you are an actual person. As for stuff like cops not waiting for back-up? If you think a killer might escape if you don't get in there, right away, that's a judgement call. Not calling in backup is pretty dumb, and likely against all training, but not waiting for backup, that's complicated.

Similarly, splitting up after you've confirmed that cultists are trying to eat your soul is bad, unless part of this plan is to maybe get one person out alive by dividing their forces [best if outnumber them at least by one, presumably], but splitting up when you are trying to figure which way down a road is the best way to get help after a car crash might not be. People make bad decisions all the time, and people make good decisions all the time, and sometimes it is hard to tell at the onset which type of decisions you are making.

So, a little bit for you. What's your favorite smart (your translation) horror movie? What's the one dumb thing that always drives you crazy when people do it in a movie? What's something you've done in real life that would have killed you in a horror movie?

For me, I'm not 100% on the first one but I'll get back to you. A big trigger for me on the second one is when people refuse to share all the information they have [unless there is good reason]. As for the third one, lots of things. I've been in a lot of abandoned graveyards at midnight, a lot of old houses, and I would totally read from the book.

Horror

OTHER BLOTS THIS MONTH: October 2013